Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
