dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I puked a lego.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
