I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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