At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
