you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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