Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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