Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
