Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
