It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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