do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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