Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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