Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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