Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
