so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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