Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
