Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
