Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
