Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
