In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
