And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
