Porn is love you can see.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
