dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
