she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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