My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
