Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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