Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
