dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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