I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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