Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
