The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
