Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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