Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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