the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
