Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
