watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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