I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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