Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your dad touched me again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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