Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
