i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
