My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
