I wish they made helmets for livers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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