Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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