so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
