You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
