you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
