Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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