how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
