Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
