Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
