Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You're like the curious george of whores
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
