So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
