thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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