If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
