RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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