Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.