I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.