dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
