My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
