My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.