i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
