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• (613): View more from Ontario

  somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (618): View more from Illinois

  Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

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• (661): View more from California

  Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Sex in the moonbounce later?

  (801): View more from Utah

  This is why I love you.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole

  (516): View more from New York

  Hahaha oops.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.

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