Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?

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  (907): so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go? http://tfl.nu/synh
  Replies (12) Good night (800) Bad night (2445)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  i cant believe jose lima did steroids

  (281): View more from Texas

  apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

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  (713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids (281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball http://tfl.nu/yhdf
  Replies (13) Good night (2378) Bad night (2553)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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  (636): I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher. http://tfl.nu/pfmp
  Replies (132) Good night (8698) Bad night (982)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.

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  (843): He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat. http://tfl.nu/b45i
  Replies (29) Good night (5435) Bad night (983)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

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  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6568) Bad night (1317)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

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  (937): It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs. http://tfl.nu/4p26
  Replies (24) Good night (1356) Bad night (7060)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.

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  (631): She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other. http://tfl.nu/8uqn
  Replies (14) Good night (5471) Bad night (949)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

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  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5743) Bad night (1207)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Don't answer that. It is bad.

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  (226): Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice? (226): Don't answer that. It is bad. http://tfl.nu/e65p
  Replies (5) Good night (1350) Bad night (909)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.

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  (407): Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship. http://tfl.nu/8uzj
  Replies (5) Good night (881) Bad night (496)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.

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  (609): I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out. http://tfl.nu/kpzq
  Replies (2) Good night (362) Bad night (831)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  did you know gatorade and rum go really good together

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Are you doing depressed science again

  (210): View more from Texas

  maybe

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  (210): did you know gatorade and rum go really good together (1-210): Are you doing depressed science again (210): maybe http://tfl.nu/zjts
  Replies (4) Good night (1007) Bad night (568)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I want to be your penis for a week.

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  (913): I want to be your penis for a week. http://tfl.nu/ha1f
  Replies (10) Good night (717) Bad night (334)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again

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  (602): I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again http://tfl.nu/of7p
  Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (329)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.

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  (847): Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter. http://tfl.nu/xcxl
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (168)

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