The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list