She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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