He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize