I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
