nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
