Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm at about main and main street
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
