I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
