So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
