Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
